A silent tear

Today was a beautiful day and all seemed right with the world. I sat outside in the sunshine which feels so foreign after days of winds so cold they chill the very bones. While warming with the rays penetrating my skin deep below the surface and the wind lightly blowing my hair I studied the Word of God. Reading and rereading searching and learning old stories but new truths. Then out of nowhere a tear slipped down my face. I quietly brushed it away and wondered from where it came. The birds were singing, the dog nipping at my polished toes while communing with God on a very personal level another tear slipped silently down my face. Soon another followed and another. What seemed like a perfect Sunday afternoon soon let loose to tears streaming down my face. I felt the fear and anxiety reaching up my throat to remind me just how lonely I was. As I sat and silently cried I grieved for my momma and my son. The rest of the world continued on but for me the day grew grayer, the cold returned and the sun quit shining. And then they stopped. I picked my Bible back up and continued studying. The moment gone, the pain lingering but the recognition that always right below the surface that sadness lives. I reign it in but when I least expect it a silent tear slips down my face.