Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas my precious son. This is our 5th Christmas without you. Was it easier? No. Was it different? A new normal? Yes. But just because we do different doesn't mean you are forgotten. For I see you everywhere I go? Every Christmas light I see I see your face and hear your voice when you were a small child seeing them for the first time. The excitement and laughter as you oohed and ahhhed your way through. I see you in every ornament you made in school with your tiny hands. I see you in the little boy holding his daddy's hand at the tubing hill saying over and over "Daddy can we do it again? Daddy can we? Can we?" I see you in every package wrapped and stocking hung. You loved Christmas, you loved giving, you loved getting. I so vividly remember your last Christmas and the thrill as bed time approached and at 23 you made your brothers all sleep in one room so you would wake up together Christmas morn. Your favorite gift out of all we bought, the blinking Christmas cup. I still have that cup. I take it out each Christmas and hold it with my eyes closed remembering the way you drank out of it for weeks. You see you are with us every moment. We pretend we have moved on, we gather together and act like life is fine. But for me son I still miss you so very much. I still look around the room when the family is gathered and know that you are missing. I still start to buy 3 of everything. I still pull your stocking out and cling to it knowing that it will still be empty again this year. I will never be over it. I will never have my heart mended. I will always wake up Christmas morning and know that I still miss you as much as the day you left. But I know that while we suffer through our time on earth that you are celebrating with Christ himself. And while I would wish you back immediately if I could your view is so much better where you are. Rejoice with the King, and hold tight to Nana and Poppa. Someday, we will all be together again and celebrate Christmas as a family. But until that time I miss you. I miss you everyday but a little more tonight, our 5th Christmas without you. Merry Christmas I love you my precious baby boy.