Birthday Celebration

As September the 13 nears I feel my heart tighten. I could tell you it was this time of year without a calendar. I can tell by the air and the leaves and temperatures. I know when my son's birthday is. I was there 28 years ago when I gave birth and for 23 years we celebrated his special day with cake, presents and family. February 20, 2010 changed all that. My son died. But even though my world suddenly came to a halt time didn't. Before long it was September 2010. I was faced with the idea that I would no longer plan a party or buy a cake or have our traditional birthday morning hunt for your present. No, September 13 would come and go. But as a mother I could not bare to think about this day going by without celebrating the birth of my son. It didn't matter that he no longer lived. It was still his birthday and I was still his mother. We must celebrate. I had not map, no guide book, no plan on how to be a mother of a deceased child. No one tells you how to do this. But I knew I must celebrate this precious child's special day. I began to think what could I do. What would not seem strange to family and friends. What could I live with. I thought of his tender heart and the desire to help others. Soon I realized that I had to continue on his giving. His no questions asked. Just do what Jesus said, give and how they use it is between them and God. Jacob's Cupboard was born that day. This Sunday my son will turn 28. This Sunday Jacob's Cupboard will turn 5. 5 long years without my boy. 5 long years of sorrow and sadness. But I can say today we walk a little stronger. We breath a little easier. We have come a long way. This journey has not been easy. Death of a child is not for the faint hearted. Death did not win though. We are not only surviving, we are thriving. Every day is an act of grace from God. Every day if not for the prayers of others we would fall. But somewhere along the journey God has given us our joy back. Our hearts still break and will never heal but our joy can not be stolen. This Sunday I will talk about our journey and what God has shown us along the way. Come hear the miracle of restoration and fulfillment of the scripture. This Sunday at West Metro Community Church, 601 W Main Yukon at 10:45 come hear our story. That night we will have our Birthday Celebration from 4-6 at the same place. Come, bring some food, have a piece of cake and visit for a moment. Help us celebrate the birth of our child. No tears just joy. Happy Birthday my precious baby boy.

A strong elderly man

I sat with a man who is dying today. I held his hand for an hour and a half, until my arm went numb. I watched as he dozed. I watched the peace on his face. He would begin to smile and the smile would soon move to his eyes while he slept. The crinkles around his eyes shouting out the joy that he felt inside. He awoke and I told him of his smile, the joy I saw. He told me he was filled with joy. He had had a good life, he is 101. He was truly at peace. I read his Bible to him while he listened with closed eyes, occasionally nodding his head. When I finished he opened his eyes and told me he was ready. Ready to go meet Jesus. His eyes twinkled. I prayed with him and then left. The peace that he is approaching death with is something we rarely see. We don't want to leave this life. It is familiar. Death is scary. But this man was ready. Just days before he was full of life. He exercised and walked to every meal. He wasn't sick or full of cancer. He just had a full life and was ready to go home. Home, heaven. I learned a lot from this 101 year old man. He lived a life with no regret. He lived a life with passion. He lived a life in a close relationship with God. He lived a life where he saw goodness around him. He lived a life of contentment. And he faced death the same. I pray that he goes quickly. I pray that he closes his eyes in that hospital bed and opens them to see the face of Jesus. I pray that those of us left behind will feel the joy and peace he felt someday and face death with the same dignity and longing. Today, a week later this amazing man left this world and enter into the arms of His sweet Jesus. Thank you God for bringing him into my life.

The Flowers

I went to buy the flowers. I buy flowers every season for the cemetery, my mom, dad and Jacob. I do it almost without thinking about it. I make a large saddle for my parents headstone and a tall full arrangement for Jacob. I do this often. Today, I went to buy the flowers. I picked up several ones then all of the sudden the place in my heart that I keep very very guarded and closed flooded open. Screaming through my brain was, "What are you doing?You..are..buying..flowers.. for..your..son..who..is..dead." Why? Tears brimming on my eyelashes I stopped, holding a stem of small pumpkins. Why? Why do I do this? I spend money,that could be used for people who are living, on flowers that will fade and blow away. So why? Why do I continue to do this? As I stood in the aisle holding the stem of pumpkins I knew why. I buy them in hopes you will come. I buy them in hopes that someone out there thinks of him often besides me. I buy them in case you are there for a funeral and out of the corner of your eye you see the flowers and wander over and realize that my son lived. My son lived and now is dead and that someone cares enough to put flowers on his grave. I buy the flowers because I can do nothing else. I can't help with his bills, or buy him new clothes. I can't send him a card or pick up the phone. I can buy flowers and put them on his grave so in case someone happens by they will know he is loved. He is thought of every day of every moment. I buy the flowers because there is nothing else I can do.