The Flowers

I went to buy the flowers. I buy flowers every season for the cemetery, my mom, dad and Jacob. I do it almost without thinking about it. I make a large saddle for my parents headstone and a tall full arrangement for Jacob. I do this often. Today, I went to buy the flowers. I picked up several ones then all of the sudden the place in my heart that I keep very very guarded and closed flooded open. Screaming through my brain was, "What are you doing?You..are..buying..flowers.. for..your..son..who..is..dead." Why? Tears brimming on my eyelashes I stopped, holding a stem of small pumpkins. Why? Why do I do this? I spend money,that could be used for people who are living, on flowers that will fade and blow away. So why? Why do I continue to do this? As I stood in the aisle holding the stem of pumpkins I knew why. I buy them in hopes you will come. I buy them in hopes that someone out there thinks of him often besides me. I buy them in case you are there for a funeral and out of the corner of your eye you see the flowers and wander over and realize that my son lived. My son lived and now is dead and that someone cares enough to put flowers on his grave. I buy the flowers because I can do nothing else. I can't help with his bills, or buy him new clothes. I can't send him a card or pick up the phone. I can buy flowers and put them on his grave so in case someone happens by they will know he is loved. He is thought of every day of every moment. I buy the flowers because there is nothing else I can do.