Defining moments

Defining moments. Our life is now measured in the time before Jacob died and after Jacob died. That was a life changing moment. We use to define our lives by before children and after children. That was the biggest life changing moment we had. Life changes define us. They define who we are, who we will become, what we are made of or not made of. Life changing moments do not just happen and life goes on. There is true change that happens. Before children we had leisurely evenings, vacuumed every night, ate hot meals and went to the bathroom alone. After children that all changed. We grew as parents. We learned to balance several things at one time and eat in spurts while helping the children. We were not always effective but we grew and stretched ourselves. If change does not happen it is probably not a defining moment. I talk to many people who really haven't had much life change. Their lives rock along with out any problems. At times I envy them. How nice to not have those big moments. But at times I realize that God places those life changing moments in our paths to grow us. Here lately I have begun telling God maybe I need to slow down my growth process and allow my spirit to catch up. ha I jest here but today as I was walking on the beach I began thinking about that, about how many times when I am faced with a chance to grow I don't. I was walking on the beach looking for a sand dollar, one of God's amazing creation of nature. The sand dollar is a live creature and is dark colored when alive. What we know as the sand dollar is the skeleton remains which are washed up on the beach area. That is what I was looking for. I met a man who told me I wouldn't find them right out there on the beach laying on top of the sand. He said sand dollars live out on the sand bars in the ocean. When the seas get rough they wash them inland and you find them buried in the high clumps of grass up farther from the beach. He said you have to dig down to find them intact and in their perfect beautiful form. He moved on looking for shells and I began to think about that. You only find sand dollars when the seas are rough and they are washed ashore. You then have to dig very deep to find that true perfect beauty. I think our lives are like that. True beautiful life changing moments only happen when the seas are rough. As long as the seas are calm things really don't produce true change. And then to find the beauty of the life changing moment you have to go beyond the surface. You can't walk along the much beaten path and look at the surface of the beach to find the sand dollar. All you find there are broken shells. Which are still pretty but they are not the wondrous sand dollar. In order to find the beauty of the sea storm you have to get off the path and wander into the brush. Then you have to get dirty by digging deep into the sand. I think for the past two years I have been trying to find the direction, the lesson, the healing, the hope and the joy of Jacob's death by just looking on surface at the broken pieces. Digging deep takes a lot of energy and time which I haven't had. It can be messy and painful. I haven't wanted to go there. But I know that if I never get off the path and listen to God's voice and dig through all the feelings and pain I will never find the true healing and peace that God has promised He will provide. In death there is beauty to be found. Jacob is in a place of utter peace and beauty. He is so much happier there than he ever was here on planet earth. But to truly see that I have to accept his death. I have to dig deep within myself to find to that acceptance and peace. I pray that I have the strength to keep digging until I find the perfect sand dollar. I pray for you that you have life changing moments. Not death but positive life changing moments. If our lives are rocking along with no defining moments I think we have to ask if God is truly working in our lives. That doesn't mean you have to have bad things happen. Life changing can be good. Maybe God has given you an opportunity at work to move to someplace where you can bring Him glory. Did you keep your eyes on the broken shells of the beach mad because you were reassigned or did you dig deep to see where He wants you to go. I didn't find a sand dollar on the beach today but I will keep looking. I don't want another two years like these have been but I want God to constantly challenge me to grow and change and find more and more ways to glorify Him. And even though sometimes that growth will come through pain changing storms I know that deep inside me is a perfect sand dollar. When I truly seek God I will someday find it. Have you had a life changing moment? If so I pray you will get off the beaten path and seek God and someday find your sand dollar.