Letting Go

I have a problem with letting go of things. I have always known it but yesterday it became even more apparent. When I was little I would save every memento of my life. My mom would go through my things periodically to thin things out. Now I am not a hoarder but I just hate letting go, especially of memories. My aunt and uncle lived in a white two story house with black shutters and a deacon bench on the front porch for over 30 years. They owned the yellow house with white shutters and the blue house with white shutters right next to them. I come from a large family and we all, the cousins, grew up there.We played in the yards, trees, up and down the stairs. We lay awake at night looking out the window from the second story sharing dreams of the what was yet to come. We ran in fear past the guest room which we were convinced was haunted, so many memories. When they decided to down size I was crushed. How could they sell these houses which had been so vital to our growing up. How could they let other people live in the very home we grew up in. So I decided I couldn't let them go. I bought the pretty little yellow house and the quaint little blue house. I couldn't let go. I wanted the big white house. I was going to make it a boarding house for college students who would live and share their dreams together. But Bart wouldn't let me go that far. So today I own the blue and yellow house as they are still called. Other people live in them but I still have a piece of the memories and no one can change them. To me they are a link to my childhood. I have trouble letting go. Yesterday, Kyler and Cheyanne, my youngest son and his lovely new bride, moved into their new apartment. They came to pick up all their worldly belongs from our house. Their clothes, books, tv, wedding gifts and more. It was ok. They were starting a new life. I was ok. I was letting go. I was so proud of myself. No tears. No sadness. Until. Until, they wanted their glasses. Two simple sets of glasses. I had bought them at estates sales of my Aunt Lena and Aunt Peggy. I had bought them Kyler, for that day when he set up house with his new bride. I knew they were his. I was just storing them until that day. That day had arrived. They wanted their glasses. But you see to me they represented more than two sets of glasses and a pitcher, they represented the past. A link to my aunts. A link to my past. I wanted them to have them but shook at the idea of letting go. What if they broke them. My head knew that would be ok but my heart screamed, "No, that is my past. That is my aunts." I took them slowly down from the cabinet. I looked at them and saw my aunts. I knew they would tell me this was silly. My past, my memories are not in those glasses, they are in my heart. Let go. Let go and realize you will never lose the past. My aunts would be thrilled Kyler and Cheyanne were using their glasses. That would make them so happy. Sitting in my cabinet they would do no good. Letting go. But it was more than just the glasses. I realized I was letting go of my baby boy. Yes, he had been married for almost a month now but he had still been living down the hall in his bedroom, eating dinner, playing video games, watching movies, being a part of our family. But now he was creating his own family. Letting go. He would come home to visit but that is what it would be, to visit. No longer would I be the one taking care of him. I have worked for 18 years preparing him to leave this house and create a life for himself. I should be proud, happy. But my heart screams out I need more time, I want more time, I can't let go. But I know as I take each glass down I am getting closer to letting go. I can't keep him in the same existence like I have the blue house and yellow house. I can't preserve those memories in their same state. I take the glasses down one by one and one by one I know that I am letting go. I am letting go my youngest son to become the most amazing man and husband that God has called him to be. I have faith he will be fine but my hand trembles at the thought of him and those glasses leaving this house. Is it over? Is this all there is? You bring a precious child into this world and throw your heart and soul into every being of their life? And then they leave? Yes,that is what happens. You do spend every moment of their life preparing them for this very day. And even when your heart is breaking thinking you are losing your child you slowly begin to realize as you pull the final glass down they are ready. Your job is done. They will visit, they will call, they will come to you for advice and comfort. But it will never be the same. You can not keep them at home forever. You have to let them go. You pack the glasses carefully knowing that someday one may get broken or all my shatter onto the floor. But nothing, not even a thief in the night can steal the memories. They are forever. They are in your heart. Letting go. It never gets easier to let go. I know that I will never get very good at it. But I am glad. That means I love with all my heart and even through my tears I know that letting go is the right thing to do. But precious baby boy know that I am so glad I have such happy memories and I am proud of who you have become. Take care of the glasses, take care of your wife and make your new memories as a family. I let you go.