If Tomorrow Never Comes

Tonight as I worked out in the yard and began to ponder the things of this world and greater things beyond my mind went to a family friend who we use to go to church with, Janet Lile. Janet is 61 years young has two children and spouses, 14 grandchildren and a husband who called her Rosebud, a beautiful woman inside and out. But yesterday she never woke up. She went to bed eager to face tomorrow and all it would bring but never woke up. For Janet, it is an answered prayer, to go to sleep and wake up in the arms of Jesus. But for those left behind a time of grieving. But as I prayed for the family I began to think just about Janet. Did she sense that would be her last night? Did she know? We always say we are not guaranteed tomorrow. But do we really realize how true that is? In Ecclesiastes 3 we are told,"There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens a time to be born and a time to die...a time to weep and a time to laugh" But do we believe that? People die all the time. But do we truly realize that as the song goes, What if tomorrow never comes? What if? Have we lived enough? Loved enough? Done enough? What if tonight we go to sleep and tomorrow truly does not come for us? Are we ready? For me yes, I know I will wake up in the arms of Jesus and once again be with my precious son. But did I do enough? Was I ready? My regret will be for my children and the sadness that will come knowing a comforter, a cheerleader, a fighter, their mom would no longer be there. For my husband who will go through the motions of living but will always reach for me and I won't be there. But what worries me more is did I do enough? God has really worked on my heart recently how much time I spend working and trying to save a little extra for the golden years. But what if they never come? Would my time be better spent sipping tea with a dear friend who struggles with an aging parent too. Or quietly writing encouragements to people who have been beaten down. Or playing the park with grandchildren who are growing way too fast. Sitting in the backyard watching the rabbits hop around while birds sing and the clouds pass over slowly sitting still long enough to see the beauty around me and appreciate all that I have been given. Or sitting across from my sons and watching as their faces light up as they talk about their dreams and family. Or just spending time one on one with the Almighty God grasping the total picture of my place here on planet earth and what I need to be urgently doing for Him? What if I only have 24 hours to do all that needs to be done? Or what if I still have a lifetime? Will I waste it all being rushed by the need to organize, clean, create, work more, do more, be more and totally miss the journey I was intended for? Sweet Janet, I pray for your family, not for you as you are basking in the glory of God, but for your family who wishes for one more day, but I also pray for us all as we go through this life too busy pressing forward working for some lofty goal to understand why we are really here. I pray we open our eyes and see, glimpse, understand what really matters before Tomorrow Never Comes. In Memory of Janet Lile

Do Overs

I worked in the yard again today. Too much time to think and reflect and realize how wrong I got it all. If I was given the chance to do it over again here are some things I would never say, be quiet, don't hug so hard you are squeezing me, I love you but just don't like you right now, stop, no I don't have time to sit and watch a movie in the middle of the day, go to sleep, sit up, please don't embarrass me, comb your hair, brush your teeth, grow up, you have to do it my way, I'm too busy, hush, or give me some space. But if God Almighty, Lord of All, King of all Kings, Abba Father were to give me one more day with you, no just 8 hours with you or even one minute here is what I would say, I love you more than my own life, If I could take your doubts and fears completely away I would, The day you were born was the most amazing day and I thank God every day that I get to be your mother, You are the most amazing talented and gifted musician and song writer and no matter what type of music you are making I love just getting to sit and watch the beauty you are creating, Never stop hugging me because it feels me so with warmth, I love you beyond words, You have the kindest and most giving heart I have met, Your ideas and thoughts are brilliant and I could listen to you for hours because you are wise beyond your years, Please never stop hugging me and loving me, I am so proud of you, There is nothing you can ever do to make me embarrassed or stop loving you, Please don't die...I love you my sweet boy. Take the time now to be truly in the moment with your children or loved ones. We don't always get tomorrow or do overs.

We need more trash

As I drove down the street I noticed a neighbor having a garage sale. I had never met this neighbor and she had some interesting things so I slowed to a stop and emerged from the car. I quickly glanced over her books, pillows and clothing and decided there wasn't anything I just couldn't live without. As I started to walk away I spoke to the neighbor and told her I hoped her sale was good. She smiled and I told her I was a neighbor just down the street, second house from the dead end. She smiled and replied yes, you live next to the DeLongs. I agreed but said that had been a while a nice older man lived there now. She replied yes, yes, he does. You are the woman whose son died. I paused for a moment and rolled that around in my brain, The woman whose son died. It seemed so strange to hear those words. It has been three and half years so to be identified as that was just so unfamiliar to me. I lingered there for a moment longer while I noticed the woman still looking at me and quickly added, Yes, yes, I am. Jacob, his name is Jacob. She nodded and then moved on to a paying customer while I continued to ponder her words. As I stood there thinking, the woman whose son died, another woman walked up and said my name. As I struggled to think where I knew her from she quickly pointed out we had meet at a house show she had had for Kyler. You are his mom aren't you? Yes, yes I replied I am Kyler's mom. We talked about our children and then parted ways. A woman whose son died and Kyler's mom. I have always found so much of my self in my children. So who am I now? Yes, I am still their mom but they have left, each in their own way. So who am I? I continued to ponder this as I went home and began planting flowers I had bought. As I weeded and made way for their new home, I began to think. I detest weeding because I do not like sweat pouring down my face and my newly manicured nails filling with dirt and grime underneath. But the main reason is I allow myself to go to places I never venture anymore. I begin to think What? What would he be like if he were still alive? Would he be teaching at Yukon High School with a following of students who thought being a teacher and rapper were beyond belief? Would he be married to the love of his life, Torri. I still dream of her being my daughter in law. She loved being in our family even more sometimes than the boys did. I miss her. I miss him. Would they have children with freckles sprinkled across their noses with deep blue eyes and locks of golden hair. Would he visit often and ask for advice? Would he still come into the room and pick me up with his arms wrapped around me and say, "Just give me a big hug" as I tried to wiggle free? Would he... Then I pull myself from the thoughts that haunt me while I weed. I will never know. Those dreams died that day too. I slowly get up and take the empty pots to the trash when I realize the big green trash can is empty. I quickly begin to count back on my fingers how many days have passed since the trash men came. 1 2 3 4 5. 5 days since the can was sat back down completely empty. And then I begin to cry. An empty trash can, no sign of life. Our neighbor is an elderly man who lives alone. On the nights when I push his can to the street and it is so very light with one half bag full of trash my heart breaks. Ours is overflowing and I quietly take a couple of bags from ours and place them gently in his. No trash, no life. I don't want his can to be so empty when ours is overflowing. Our house full of laughter and people coming and going all hours all night. The can is full and life is abundant. But today our can was empty. Our lives feel so very empty. We need more trash. No more working til late night hours to avoid the quiet. No more eating a bowl of cereal instead of sitting at a table for 5 that feels over sized for a family of two. No more sitting at the tv to keep minds which once entertained free from the memories. No more. No more wishing and praying that times would return. We need more life we need more trash.