Time does not heal everything

Time heals all wounds. That is a lie. I miss my son as much today as I did 5 years 3 months ago when I heard the words "He is dead". Oh, I may look ok. I may act ok. I may sound ok. I continue living, staying very very busy, and smiling. I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I don't want you to be at a loss for words. I don't want you to not want to be around me. So I pretend. But the moment I get alone I miss my boy. I can feel his hugs, hear his voice, smell his special smell, see his smile. And all I can think about is how much my heart hurts. How at the thought of not seeing him again this side of Heaven takes my breath away. My heart aches and my stomach is tied in knots. My chest is so heavy and breathing is difficult because I literally can't understand how this all happened. How one moment you are alive and then next you are dead and my world is crushed. I miss my Jacob today and 10 years from now I am sure the physically and emotional pain will be the same. You may think I should be over it. But time does not heal the loss of a child. A part of me died that day and will never recover till I see and hold him again in my arms. So look at me and think how well I am doing. Tell me again how it is time to move on. Think to yourself it is better but know it is an act. My tears are just a moment away. I keep my heart closed to feelings because if I let myself feel I am afraid I will the pain will break me in two. 5 years 3 months later time has done nothing.