6 years

I can't believe 6 years have passed and we are still standing as a family, that I am still functioning. I know it is through God carry me all the way and people's prayers. But still it has been 6 years. 6 years that is 2, 190 days, 52,560 hours, 3,153,600 seconds that I have felt this pain. I wonder will it ever go away? Will I ever discover something new or experience happiness without feeling like something is missing. That something is you, sweet Jacob. I think of you with every breath. I still live, go to work, love, entertain, and exist in this world of ours. But I think of you every minute. I am so afraid that I will forgot your laugh, your hugs, your precious smile. I don't want to ever forget you. I don't want you forgotten. I worry about that. I worry that there will be a world that never knew you. Twice a year I host a party for you, Jacob. A party to help our Jacob's Cupboard's empty shelves, but please know it is much much more that than. I hold the parties so we don't forget your life, the impact you made on us all. I am scared. I am so very scared that there will come a time when people will say enough. Enough talk of him, enough remembering, enough with the parties, enough with the Cupboard. Move on. Every year the group gets smaller. People are busy, people don't want to be sad, people don't want to remember. Move on. It is awkward, uncomfortable. That is enough sympathy move on. Is this the year to stop and go about our day as if this were any other day? For others, maybe, it is easier to go about with their lives and pretend this didn't exist. But for me son, I will never forget. I may go silent but I will always remember the day you were born, the day you died and all the precious time we had in between. Because in the scheme of life, 6 years is not too soon to forget.