A Black rap singer

Now that I have ranted may I please rave? My son. Who is he? He is so much that it would be hard to write it all down. But this weekend I was reminded once again how talented he was. A friend of his posted his rap, This is Who I Am. I listened to it this weekend. His voice so alive and right there at the kitchen table with me. If I closed my eyes I could feel him there with me. I wanted to share it with you all so you could see how incredibly talented he was. But my first thought was I didn't want to put it on my facebook because of the language. You see I never fully appreciated Jacob's talent because I got so wrapped up in the language. All his life Jacob wanted to be a rap singer. When he was little he wanted to be a black rap singer. I would tell him he could be a rap singer but he could never be black. That was not the way God had made him. He argued with me constantly about that because I had always told him, "When you grow up you can be anything you want to be. You just have to work really hard." I would laugh because he had me there. He was a talented bass player and when he branched out to rapping it made me uncomfortable. I would ask him when I was there would he please tone it down. He said, "Mom, it is rap. You just can't do that." Therefore I never really listened that closely. I never appreciated his talent. I was embarrassed that people would judge him or even more so judge me. What type of parent raises a son who uses that language. Because of that fear I did not support him like I should have. He would tell me all he wanted to do was rap. I would discourage and say to go to college and then he could do it on the side. All the while hoping it was a phase. I didn't embrace who he was. This weekend too a friend shared with me the advice Jacob had given her when she was upset over her sister's drug abuse. She was tired of her sister running and using and was giving up on her. He said, "it may not happen when YOU want it to, but just don't give up on her. The 'when' part is gonna suck the most. But If you love her, just don't give up EVER because LOVE NEVER FAILS. And she will come back... she loves you guys too. She knows she messed up. And right now she's probably scared too, of the consequences and of having to see your disappointment and face all the judgment. She is scared she might be disowned. She thinks about the day when this is all over, every night and every morning she's Thinkin about it, but right now she's just more scared than she is ready. But she will get there one day, and if you can force yourself not to lose ALL of the faith you have in her, and maybe find a way to be in her corner instead of throwing stones, it might help her to forgive herself one day too. Just hang in there ... Just don't give up on her. I promise ... You'll see." Wow, what wise advice. When I read that I felt like he was talking to me. Don't give up on me mom. I am scared. I hate seeing the disappointment in your eyes. The judgment from you and others. Never give up one me. I feel I failed him. Yes, I loved him but did I truly embrace what an amazing person he was or did I get caught up in what others would think? He would try to explain his demons of drug abuse. The constant physical and emotional pain he was in. But I didn't want to hear that. I just wanted to hear he would quit. I just wanted him to look and act like others. I totally looked beyond who he was. Others got to see the real Jacob. Not the one he tried to be for me. I didn't see his talent and genius until it was too late. I wish I had supported him more. I wish I had listened closer. I wish I had said forget what people think, you are much more important. I forgot to see he was a scared young man who didn't want to disappoint. He just wanted to be a black rap singer.